PMQs as-it-happened

11:44 – Hello and welcome back after the conference break. It's the first post-conference PMQs so expect a bit of a greatest hits of their messages from the leaders' speeches. Miliband is unlikely to raise his Daily Mail battle and Cameron will feel little temptation to do so either, so don't count on that. Miliband will probably aim for a cost-of-living issue, probably rail travel. The PM has capped the fare rises commuters will face – which sounds a teeney-weeney bit like what the Labour leader is proposing for energy prices. I know, I know IT'S PLAINLY A COMMUNIST TAKEOVER. Get to the gulag. The usual caveats apply: There will be typos aplenty and some of the things I say may be knowingly or unknowingly inaccurate.

11:57 – Wales questions are winding up. They are surprisingly rough and ready. I suppose MPs are pleased to be back in Westminster.

11:58 – Cameron's in, but Miliband isn't. "An extraordinary thing has happened," Bercow says. They actually used up all the Wales questions. PMQs kicks off.

12:00 – Labour MP Tom Harris kicks off. Can the PM confirm less a third of families in the UK will benefit from his married tax rate? Cameron says all couples on basic rate tax will benefit. Nigel Evans is up, now from the backbenches. He asks a question about doctors' surgeries. Miliband's up.

12:02 – He reels off the acknowledgments Cameron made and adds: "Happy birthday". Oh, it's Cameron's birthday, did I not mention? Miliband asks: "Is freezing energy prices a good idea, or a Communist plot?" That's actually quite witty. Cameron says: "There's nothing I'd rather be doing on my birthday than this."

12:05 – Cameron says the policy doesn't work and is a U-turn on what Miliband once did as energy minister. Then  he goes for him. He says Miliband is committed to decarbonisation policies which would boost prices. "One price increase, a broken promise, then another price increase. That sound like every Labour government since the war." Miliband accuses him of floundering around. "Can he confirm energy prices have gone up by £300 since he became prime minister?" Cameron says energy prices doubled under Labour. "There's one thing government's can't control and that's the wholesale price of gas. I know he wants to live in a Marxist universe."

12:08 – "He needs a basic lesson in economics," Cameron adds. Miliband quotes some critical remarks Cameron made about energy prices in opposition. In return Cameron cites Miliband while energy secretary. It is extremely unedifying stuff. "Everyone wants low prices. We'll get them by dealing with the causes of low prices, not a gimmick." Miliband: "Can he confirm that his energy policy benefits almost nobody?" Cameron stands: "Twelve hours later he said he couldn't keep his promise. It's not a policy, it's a gimmick." Balls is heckling. Cameron says: "Let me tell you the best birthday present I could have, the shadow chancellor staying where he is." Miliband said he said something interesting, that there was a difference between economic policy and the cost of living, but they are the same thing. "We have a prime minister who stands up for the wrong people."

12:11 – Cameron goes on mocking Labour, quoting Balls saying Labour would win because of their "experience, track record and credibility". He adds: "That's like the captain of the Titanic running on his safety record."

12:13 – Snap verdict: Cameron: 1 Miliband: 1. Cameron was, as ever, evasive and inconsistent. Certainly his attack on Miliband's Marxism was cut off at the knees by the Labour leader wittily raising it first. But Miliband couldn't get past the PM's bluster to land a blow. He should be winning on this issue – it's popular with the public and he needs to make the Tories look like they're on the side of energy companies. But it didn't happen right then. Cameron will consider a draw on this issue to be an overall victory.

12:17 – Cameron has now attacked the BBC three times since PMQs began. Is he still smarting at the coverage they gave Miliband for his Mail fight?

12:19 – A third question on energy prices. It's an organised campaign by Labour, which is trying to press its conference advantage. Cameron starts to lose his cool and barks "put in place BY THE LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION". He adds: "What we heard at Labour's conference was that they are going to put up taxes on Britain's most successful business. Theye want to fight some petty socialist campaign against big business."

12:21 – Cameron presumably has some evidence that the Communist rhetoric plays well with voters, but I can't see it. Firstly, it's manifestly untrue (Miliband is increasing competition in energy and is passing corporate tax to small business). More importantly, I just can't see it chiming with the public, who don't really think in those terms. Labour MP Jim Sheriden asks for evidence that Cameron has been hurt by austerity. Cameron answers by mocking the Labour reshuffle, saying the Blairites have been purged. "It's been tough in our country because of the appalling debt that his party left," he shouts.

12:24 – Labour MP Simon Danczuk says one of his constituents was attacked and his girlfriend raped on holiday by a suspect thought to be an associate of the Sri Lankan leader. Cameron asks for the details and says he will make those points properly. "Of course, those are points you can't make if you don't go."

12:29 – Kate Green says only 17% of beneficiaries of the married couples tax break will be women. Why does the PM have such a blind spot? He doesn't really answer.

12:30 – Cameron is asked about reports that he regretted the fight of gay marriage. He gives an unequivocal answer, although it seems a little desperate. "I'm very proud we passed same sex marriage in this parliament. I'm very proud of it, it's a great reform and it makes our country fairer. I hope that's clear."

12:32 – Balls makes a point of order, saying it's not true all basic rate tax payers would benefit from the married couples tax break. Balls says that's false. Cameron stands: "Can I thank him for his tenacity, even though he's been wrong on every single question, that he's still in his place. He's the great election winner for us." A lot of roaring. "I trust that the appetite has been satisfied," Bercow muses. "Question time is over." We'll leave it at that.