PMQs as-it-happened

11:52 – Good morning and welcome to the last PMQs before summer. Kick off is at 12:00 BST. The usual warnings apply: there will be typos aplenty. Sorry about that, but it's hot, it's bloody hot, so you know, give me a break.

11:58 – The presumption, by the way, is that Miliband will lead on these conspiracies about Lynton Crosby's role in killing off plain cigarette packs. It's either that or the NHS debacle, where Jeremy Hunt is trying to do real damage to Labour's credibility on the health service. I'd be surprised if it wasn't one of those, but then I am very often wrong about all manner of things.

12:00 – And we're off.

12:01 – Nic Dakin (Lab, the charisma of a cheap sofa) asks about Scunthorpe hospital. Cameron says the Keogh report was good and accepts there are instances of good care in the hospitals it covers, along with the bad. More nuanced than Hunt was yesterday.

12:03 – Miliband's up. Big cheer. He looks grave. The majority of doctors and nurses perform to a high standard, but some hospitals are letting people down. He says the Keogh report found inadequate numbers of nursing staff. What is he doing to ensure numbers? Cameron says the report was very good, that the investigation was vital. He insists the number of nurses is growing. The reality is there are 4,000 fewer nurses than when the PM came to power," Miliband says.

12:04 – Cameron says 8 of the 11 hospitals actually have more nurses today than in 2010. Ouch. Cameron got him on that one. There are 100 extra nurses in Scunthorpe. Cameron looking very well prepared here. Miliband retorts: "His reforms are diverting money from patient care." Miliband moves onto Crosby. Are we supposed to believe the dropping of plain packs had no link to Crosby's link to tobacco lobbying?

12:07 – Again Cameron is well briefed. He reads from the reasons Labour gave to not do plain packaging. Pretty comprehensively outplaying his Labour opponent here. "He used to be in favour of plain packaging and then he changed his mind," Miliband says, referring to Cameron. "Has he ever had a conversation on Crosby on plan packaging?" Suddenly Cameron is on shaky ground. He replies, as he has before on saying he has never been "lobbied". Miliband: "He is the prime minister for Benson and Hedgefunds and he knows it."

12:10 – "He's Andy Coulson all over again. He's a PM who doesn’t think the rules apply to him. He always stands up for the wrong people." Cameron: "The reason his leadership is in crisis is he can't speak on the big issues. Every day this country is getting stronger and every day he is getting weaker." SNAP VERDICT: Cameron 3: Miliband 1. Comprehensive win for Cameron there, and he didn't even break a sweat.

12:13 – Gregory Campbell (DUP, pastel suit) wants the PM to send his best wishes to Nigel Dodds, who is recovering after being attacked at the riots in Northern Ireland. Cameron says everyone is concerned at the news. "I gather he is now improving, he look forward to welcoming him back to this House." Cameron issues platitudes on the Norther Ireland marches.

12:16 – Cameron is making as much hay out of the Qatada deportation as he can. Very boring. Phillip Hollobone (Con, also very boring) asks a question about it. His voice is like the sound of nothingness folding into itself.

12:17 – Emma Reynolds (Lab, permanently concerned) asks a planted question about Crosby. "The role of Crosby is to advise me on how to defeat a divided and weak Labour party. On the basis of the performance today I'm not sure it's strictly necessary." Good line. Glyn Davies (Con, sounds like not Con) asks about hospital standards. Cameron plays with it a bit.

12:20 – Paul Flynn (Lab, everyone’s Granddad) asks: "Would the prime minister study the definition of the word 'question' and the word 'answer' and the link between the two." Cameron: "I think that one was a bit complicated for a whips handout question, so he must have thought about it himself." Cameron says his government is more open than the previous one. Not a very high standard, nor really an answer to the question.

12:22 – Cameron still enjoying himself. The next Labour question (on wealthy people’s donations to the Tories earns this: "That was definitely a whip’s question. No doubt about that one." This could be Cameron's best of the year. "Union votes buy them the Labour leader. I'm not surprised they’re disappointed with what they ended up with."

12:23 – Cameron getting a bit too excited now, shouting and pointing all over the place. "I was elected by a one man one vote system. He was elected by a trade union stitch up."

12:25 – George Howarth (Lab, better than he looks) pops the PM's bubble by saying he'll "save him time" by observing he was an apprentice in a trade union in his youth. "I'm happy to discuss who spent their youth more productively."

12:26 – Cheryl Gillan (Con, poor man's Apprentice candidate) asks a critical question about HS2. Will Cameron intervene to make sure people are compensated by the project? Cameron is respectful, saying he's committed to a generous and fair compensation scheme.

12:27 – More Labour questions on Tory funding. They are starting to have a cumulative effect. Peter Tapsell (Con, father of the House) stands up. Silence in the Commons. During his chats with Merkel, he asks, did he examine the evidence that it is the existence of the single currency which is a major cause of the despair sweeping southern Europe and threatening the democracy of Portugal, Spain and Greece. Cameron says he often discusses it. Whatever ones personal views on the currency, we must respect those trying to make it work."

12:31 – Simon Hughes (Lib Dem, creepy upper lip) stands. Much mockery. He is wearing a disastrous suit. This cream suit trend has to go. He wants the PM to ensure Thames Water get no public subsidy. Cameron says any support is targeted to help customers' bills. Kate Green asks if the PM asked Crosby what his business interests were before he hired him. Cameron ignores the question. It is now getting a little desperate. Cameron once again focuses on the unions. Last question, from Andrew Griffiths (Con, super-beta). He wants the PM to celebrate one of his constituent's campaigns against cervical cancer.

12:35 – And with that, we're done. Ok, so that's it for a few months. The website will, of course, be running as usual, but we won’t have a live blog unless something big happens, like a riot or an Olympics. Enjoy the fine weather, read lots of politics and eat your vegetables. See you for the party conferences.